Chapter 1 MY life

the loneliness of hearing a door close behind you... the feeling of being unloved and unwanted... the feeling of loving some one so much and getting nothing back.... the feeling of being left by the one person who's supposed to love you most... the feeling of trusting everybody so easily and then learning they only wanted to use you...the feeling of losing a best Friend over a reason you cant share... the feeling of crying alone in a dark room... the feeling of nobody understanding that it will never be the same...

All feelings i have had to endure in my short life.. now I'm not saying that i take it for granted because i no compared to some people my lifes great... but sometimes the feelings and emotions are all to much and i just want someone to look after me and tell me every things going to be okay... but it never will be. their a things i miss about life that i guess i did take for granted... my mum picking me up from school. missing a friends birthday party... bouncy castles all the simple things of childhood that i miss... and yes ill say it its not fair this life isn't fare. its always give and take and i felt like life is passing me by so fast now and its a scary feeling. not knowing whats gonna happen or when its going to happen loving someone but being to afraid to tell them because I'm afraid of losing them if they knew the truth :'(

if iv learnt one thing so far in life its that

fear is the only thing stoping me from what i want

and ill tell you a secret
I'M AFRAID
xoxo

Trust me

I dont want to lie to you anymore because your worth the truth....
but i prefer the lies as the truth hurts......
xoxo

good morning

going out todayy XD will blog pics of something later XX

night

YOU DID THAT TO ME

YOU
xoxo

i want YOU to want me

its been a long day

this is just one pic from my last days at school more will be uploaded soon XD.... been a good but emotional day criedd a little :'( really am going to miss alot of people

NPK 2005-2010 xoxo

in other news XD been lisitn to alot of the FRAYS music will post one of my fav songs atm XD

heaven forbid
xoxo
its you

lelove

I feel like I am made of glass. And at any moment, all my pieces could shatter and break. It's always easier to blame other people isn't it? It would be easy to say that he did this to me, that he became such a part of my soul, that his departure from my life sent me spiraling out of control. And maybe to an extent that's true. There's no doubt that I gave my heart to a boy who ran so far away with it that I'm not sure it will ever really come back. But to put all that blame on him would be naive, and I would never want to flatter him in that way. The truth is, I was broken before he came barreling into my life. And now that he's gone, I'm just one step closer to shattering. My problem isn't making someone else fall in love with me, it's falling in love with myself. I've struggled for years to be happy with who I am, and I made the mistake of letting someone else try to make me happy, make me more alive. But how can I fault someone for falling out of love with me, when I have never even loved myself?

xoxo

take from lelove blog XD

If you could see througth my eyes

I wish you could hear all the words I'm too afraid to say.

Maybe they are right. Maybe I did get my hopes up too high. Maybe I was in over my head. Maybe I am the stupid one for ever thinking that you loved me, but maybe, just maybe, I am tired of being alone.

i have loved you all along

hehheheeh been exsercicng my mind as well as body today heheheehe scholl was okay had my first media exam went well i think :/ i didnt leave anything out and i used loads of terminoligy i just hope the examiner can read my crappy spelling :/ lolllll

heheheh my refelction in this tiney ASS mirror hehehehe erghh my nalils look crappyyy lollll need to get them re done for prom or at lest grow them a bitt XD

and my revisiton crap all over the living room table got english and phse tomz i hope i do well inda equally worried for both need to memorise them dame structuress and need to learn the other key pionts overall alot of stinky revisitonn XD then i got media exam o wednesday again may sttay behind school tomz to work on how to answer task 3 i have a bit of an idea for 4 but still need some more practise XD
xoxo

an old dress that feels new

HEHE an old dress i got givin by my sister ana that i have never worn so it feels new heheheh dicided to ware it today after i bougth my new summer dress hehehe really like this one too but its a bit long in other new i also have my prom dress now its beautiful and longg :) cant wait to ware it

taken from LeLove blog

Relationships are delicate. Both people have to be on the same page. Both people have to be at the same point in their lives, wanting the same things. Cant have any doubts or reservations. Do something too early, and you can taint it. Jump in too quick, you can screw things up. Wait too long, it may be too late. There are so many other variables besides who the person is..you have to consider who they are now, who they will be in the future, if you have the potential as a couple to grow together..are you on the same page and will you continue to be?

Sunny Saturday

for the first time in ages we had a sunny saturday XD hehehehe i spent it shopping with ana and monica and also gonna do some revistion for my big exam on monday over all a well spent day...
bougth a lovely dressss pics above.... XD will probs blogg later so for now Kiss Kiss and hope you enjoyed reading

xoxo

FUN HOUSE

Pink :Fun house

heheheh soo todayyy my day has consited of wishing me DADDY a HAPPY 50TH BIRTHDAY XD congratulationssss pops :P... and also shopping for food and revistionnnn.... cant think of a better way to spend my sundayy ( sarcastic voice) lolll... soo i dont phse revistion mainlyyyy revised all conflict and co and environmental issues... gonna have to move on to coutur and belifee hopefully by the end of today.

had my hair up today for a changeee XD think it like it like thattt (reminds me that i need to buy a new hairspray) and finalyy put music on my ipod YAY means i can listine to itt properlyy and the charger things working better now XD. ohhhh im now listing to superbus some french group :) love this songg heheh... its suprising me how light it stays now im used to it being dark by this time but its still light XD

i also have a soar throat and sound a bit like a man when i start talking. its really bad in the morning and hurts :'( right before exams start as well just me luck :P... so yh exams have stated scince a week ago for me but the hard ones are starting now so time will be filled with revitionn :) mainy an other stuff... must alow my self brecks or i wont remeber anythingg lolll XD. also its raining todayy but i swaer it was suposed to be a hot weekend damm bbc people lyed to meee im frezzing waering me carddie insideee lmaooo XD and thats just not righttttt :P.

ohhh the kooks is now playinggg wowza i do love me musicaaa :) heheh sooo ima be off for now as im probs gonna get back to me books pluss need to wash my hairrr for school tomz and also need to see if theirs anything eles i need to reviseee... and i totally like missed the whole week of eastenderss :'( not to happy bout that but the story lines are starting to unintrest meee :s lolll anyhoooooo goodbye my blogg and ill be back to write more sonnageee XD :)

xoxo

hyde parkk

heheheh pic taken today at the park dispite not having my head in it i like ittt ;)

old pic from school lolll my hair was well longgg

group pic for hyde park today celebrating sazzys 16th bd :)

me and lou and sainsburys baggg

louis kay and sazzy

me saz and lou

these are just a few of the pics from todays outing to the park
had a great time and meet some really crazyy peopleee litralyyyyyyyyy
"live a slice of bread"
ahhaahahahahhahah all in all had a great dayyyyyy

in other newss AHHHHHHHHH the little thingsyou do andsay are what mean the most to meee even if sometimes you don,t notice or maby you do :s loll
andd noww to finish off this blogggg
xoxo

Sweet and Low

hmmmmmm blog time i guesss, had a good day at school today am lossing patiance in things thoo
hmmm just had a lovely dinner cooked by my dad.... im probs gonna watch some lost later with my hobbits :) andd ohh TODAY IS SAZAN'S BIRTHDAY HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYY xxxxxXXXXXXxxxxx . today i revised media and phse in school fells quite good to be feeling okay witht the examsss.. on a downer have lost my phse book litarly a week befor th exam FML lmaooo hahahahahahahahaha so will blog laterrrrr probss love peace outtt xoxo

busy busy busy. but loving itt

PIC OF MEDIA WORK ;)

hmmmm so today have been nusy busy busy. ana bougth the wii fit board :D heheh i found out im a healty wight but im apprently 29 :/ and weak for my body so i need to gain musel :S lmaoooo.... in ohter news have been inlightened about that certain situationnn so now i no its a no goooooo but then again it may be... slightly confused on that actaulyyy :S ..... appart for the thinking today i went on a cleaning spree and tieded the whole kichen and my side of the room wislt lisitng to my mp3 :) ( on a bad note my ear ach is reuturning :S :( )also did sme history revistion todayy bout the new deal roosevelt and hovver the crash and that wich is good. and also wote out half of my media task 1 essay gonna make a media task 2 work sheet which ill start working on ina bitt.... also had to do phse revistion but due to the SITTUATION thats been nagging in the back of my mindd... my thougths driffted eles were :( any whooooo good bye for now more blogging laterrr

So go on and break my heart

bit of a crappy pic of the hair its still longer then thatt :)

ME XD

Hmmmm soo today had school :S im starting to really feel i going to miss it in a few months... i don't like the thougth of changeee but i guess this is THE END :'( sooooo. today actaaly lernt something in maths, for the first time in ages. alos revised some history stuff so n ow i remeber the CRASH and that topic . also cut my split ends off finaly XP hairs a tad shorted but i like it. hmm had an okay day today apprt from the odd thing or too that clearly anoys me so why the fuck say or do it in frount of meee :'( but on a brigther note its the weekend got maths tomz for 1 hour and a half but depends on the time i get up tbh.. not gonna rush if im to tired. so now ima wait till dads finished watching tv and ima play some wii really in the mood to watch harry potter and half blood prince so may wacth that twoo (in the mood to see some good romance ) looll so i think that enougth blogg for now would do a picture post with loads of pics and stuff dicsribing my week but TBH CBA ATM sooo for now good bye XOXO

rigth before Zzzzzs

okay soo two pics aboveare of kays amazing 16th once again HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYY :) the other two are fro the outing to get her prezzies which i hope she lovessss will blogg bout it way better tomz just to tied to rigth nowww XD and ohh yh love the group ronney XD their lead singer was hot in princess diarys and hes hot nowwww XD

XD

The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all

Nighttt

ahhh had a good day today XD will blog bout it tomz tho when i have more picsssss... my little nails being a biacth again dicided to half fall off half stay onn :/ and oww it hurtssss :'(... but then again i guess a lot of things in life are gonna hurttt soo :'(.... anyhooo nighttt love youuuss XOXO